Chuck Norris

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- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

- Contrary to popular belief, th e Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

- With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

- To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

- Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris!

- Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

- Chuck Norris gave his dad the lesson on the "birds and the bees."

- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

- Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because hunting entails the posibility of failure, Chuck Norris goes killing.

- Chuck Norris's tears have been found to cure cancer, too bad Chuck Norris never cries

- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a "Who has more testicles" contest... Chuck Norris won by 5.

- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law and Order" are trademarked names for his left and right leg.

- When Chuck Norris goes to the gym the machines get stronger.

- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

- Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

- Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone.
This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

- Chuck Norris once had a heart attack...his heart lost.

- Chuck Norris doesnt teabag women, he potatosacks them

- Chuck Norris doesn't need a life. Life needs Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands...they are now called The Islands.

- Chuck Norris's mom can beat up your dad.

- No one will ever know Chuck Noris' last words because he will be the last person on earth.

- Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

- Mr. T once beat Chuck Norris in a game of tic tac toe, in retaliation Chuck Norris invented racism.

- Chuck Norris' favourite drink is a mixture of blood from endangered animals and the tears of small children.